My quest for a perfect paoched egg took me to the Food Network, on Alton Brown’s page. What could go wrong? 

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/perfect-poached-eggs-recipe.html

Amazingly, I had all the requisite ingredients. Just don’t tell anyone these two items are on hand as cleaning supplies. 

.

It worked!! I sprinked bacon on it, because BACON. 

Oh no you don’t!!!

o

Oh, okay, FINE!!